Jake Gyllenhaal shaves his head, RPattz Threesome & Daniel Radcliffe is relieved.

THIS IS FUCKING CREEPY

I don't even know what to say, bitches... Donnie Darko is not a cop, period. How can Jake play a cop? That doesn't make any sense! Who the hell is responsible for casting; they should be fired! OMG... look at his head, look closer... do you see a thinning patch, or is that just me? Scary. Jake cannot go bald... no.... no.... NO! It was bad enough that he did Brokeback Mountain and was the "girl" in the relationship. I don't have anything against gays; however, neither Jake nor Heath (may he rest in peace) were gay. It wasn't believable for me. There are a ton of gay actors in Hollywood, why didn't they cast actual gay actors? Why cast two, completely straight men? What the hell!? If you liked Brokeback Mountain, I suggest you watch Little Ashes... it's a Spanish version of Brokeback with RPattz, lol! .... Jake's new movie is called End of Watch... stupid title, but ok then. I doubt I will go see this.

 

Apparently, Daniel Radcliffe is relieved to be rid of Harry Potter. Perhaps it's because of the backlash, from that one weird play, where he got butt-naked? Is he excited that he can show his mister happy more often, now? I read that his character in the play was having sex with horses... eww! Either way, Daniel was texting J.K. Rowling asking if she was writing another book. She confirmed the answer was  a 'no'. What's next, Daniel Radcliffe "meat spin"? That's a scary thought, no? I'm sorry for my pottie mouth, bitches... but, it's funny, right?

COWBOY-RPATTZ HAS THREESOME!?

In Rob's new movie, Water for Elephants, he seriously gets IT on! Not only does his runny nose become the main attraction, but his character has a steamy threesome with Donna Scott.... I know, I was like "who?" too. I myself have never had a threesome, so I'm a bit confused how that works... perhaps Rob has threesome experience in his personal life? Edward, Bella and Jacob all going at it? LOL, oh how the imagination can take us off into alternate realities... at least, I think that's what it's called... my cousin is really into time travel shit, she's a fucking nerd. Speaking of imagination, what if this Donna Scott was replaced by someone with a bit more experience in the 'love scene' area? Just think! Who better to get the job done, than Kim Cattrall!? She's a love scene veteran! This is a clip from Sex and the City, I must warn you, it's not for minors. Now try to combine that with the Remember Me scene. From what I've read, Bel Ami is the closet thing to how amazingly funny Kim and Rob could be. We can only hope this may appear in the near future!

Love,

Jackie ^_^

RPattz upset about the Royal Wedding, 'Bed Intruder' Antoine Dodson arrested for pot & shirtless Jonas Brothers.

Hey bitches,

Apparently two of the Jonas brothers were shirtless in Hawaii... umm, eww?

celebuzz

Look at Nick's butt poking out of his shorts! Cover that shit up, dickhead! Who the fuck cares about these bitches anyway? Their not even hott... just former Disney stars with nothing to look forward to.

Here's an update on my family: Mom is still in France, Daddy has his nose permanently inserted into a bag of coke and Travis has been shoved in five lockers since I took revenge against him... as for me? I'm spending Daddy's money without a worry in the world.

OMG!!!! IT'S COWBOY-RPATTZ!!!!

Cowboy-RPattz was on Jimmy Kimmel the other day, upset and distraught, over not being invited to the Royal Wedding.... as if it's a big fucking mystery, right? YOU'RE OBSESSED WITH TEXAS! Not to mention the awkward sex scenes in Water for Elephants... poor Resse had to play twister with Rob's runny nose. Apparently he had a cold while filming; Reese said: “He did have a very runny nose, yeah... it wasn’t appealing; it wasn’t pleasant.” You can sparkle all day long; however, snot will always ruin the moment. Though Reese interjected what seems to be a compliment: “Sexy doesn’t cover it,... I don’t know how we got this rating. That’s all I’m gonna say!” This brings back memories of Remember Me... that was a strange sex scene... Rob then added something about crying during the scene: “I’m totally okay with crying at her beauty.” ..... wow, really? That's not helping the gay rumors at all.... stupidass!

Remember Antoine Dodson aka the Bed Intruder guy? Yeah, he was arrested for possession of weed... lol! I think he might have some new advice for everyone: "Hide your kids, hide your wife and hide your weed 'cause they searchin' everybody up in here!" I'll leave you all with the infamous viral video hit, the Bed Intruder Song by schmoyoho and check out Antoine's youtube channel.

Love,

Jackie ^_^

Remembering Unique American Idols, Jay-Z and Lady Gaga are Freemason/Illuminati Members!?

Hey bitches!

Remember that video I posted of Chris and Danny? Chris is a funny bitch and has been for years, but his friend Danny is really cool too. I had no idea he was an American Idol semi-finalist, then again, I haven't watched since season two... oops! Danny has his own youtube channel, it's funny how much that bitch and I have in common. It's almost scary... not. I would love for him to explain the "sick-pig bitch" term. Ugh, whenever new sayings and trends come out I just don't get it! I feel so out of the loop, does that make me a "hog-body whore"? I'd rather be a "piglet in a blanket" if I had my choice... can daddy buy me that title? Sure he can - he shits gold fucking bricks on his lunch break, right before he snorts a line... oh, I forgot who I was talking to. Yeah, my daddy is a bit of a coke-whore... and you wonder why my mom's in France? Are you stupid or something?

Speaking of family, I am about to inflict painful revenge on my brother Travis, for leaking information to the paparazzi. I have secretly infiltrated his school, after hours... why you ask? I have posted fliers of my brother and his best friend, cropped together, making them look like their kissing! I have placed them in key strategic locations, bitches! The girls bathroom, hallways, the cafeteria, teachers desks, and I shoved two in every one's locker! It reads "Travis and Kyle, lovers forever!" That will show Travis to never mess with this bitch again... I will pull out my arsenal of skills to fuck your world ten times over.

Anyways... I ran into this dumb fuck of a wasted human being... he wanted to be a rapper, (we're all stunned here) but he has it in his head that he must join the Illuminati in order to make it big...

WHAT THE SHIT!?

Join the Illuminati to become a super famous rapper like Jay-Z and Kanye West? Let me get this straight... he wants to travel back in time, to year 740 A.D., and join the Knights Templar? Kill innocent people in the Holy Lands and claim all money, land and power in the region? Get hunted down by the Catholic Church for pegan rituals and human sacrifices in the name of Egyptian goddesses, and run away to Scotland to form the Masonic Order with a secretive sect of people (Getty's, Rothschild's, the Queen, Colonial Sanders, etc.) that truly control the world, known as the Illuminati or "The Meadows", and have deep ties to the KKK's and The Skulls at Yale University?

............ I called my mom and told her what happened:

Mom: Was he black?
Jackie ^_^: Black or not, he's stupid as fuck.
Mom: Again, was he black?
Jackie ^_^: ........ yeah.

I was searching the interwebs and look what I found:

Haven't we all wondered what Jay-Z's little hand symbol really meant?

OMG I feel like I'm in National Treasure with Nicholas(my hair is a birds nest)Cage!

This has all been a conspiracy to join Canada, Mexico and the United States into one North American Union? And the new currency will be called the Amero?

Holy shit, bitches! The more I look into this, the more fucked up it gets! There is a conspiracy theory about Michael Jackson knowing about the Illuminati and their plan for world domination; they say Michael was bumped-off to prevent him from revealing the truth on his last concert tour. They killed MJ? We all know they killed JFK, but MJ? Here's a direct quote from urbandictionary.com :

"The Bastards who killed Michael Jackson to prevent him from Revealing the truth about the New World Order on July 8th, 2009 during his concerts. The Illuminati has also killed Tupac, Bob Marley, and John Lennon."

"rockefeller foundation, ford foundation, carlysle group, J.P.Morgan, oppenhiemer, kuhn leub, federal reserve system and many others involved."

"Rappers who sold their soul to stay rich and be glorified by corporate channels like mtv and bet and the other channels. 1. Jay-Z 2. 50 cent 3. Dr. Dre 4. Kanye West 5. T.I. 6. Young Jeezy 7. Gucci Mane 8. Suge Knight 9. Damon Dash 10. Ludacris 11. Nelly 12. Nas 13. Big Boi 14. Andre 3000 15. P.Diddy"

Could this be true? Click if you want to know more about the connection of Hip-Hop, Pop and mainstream music with secret societies. Apparently, even Lady Gaga is among the long list of artists involved with secret societies.

Jay-Z, this is all your fault!
.......
I don't really know what to say about all of this, I'm like, confused! I'm gonna try my hand at that emotional poetry shit; it can't be too hard, right?

Love,
Jackie ^_^

Glee Stupiditee, Cowboy-RPattz, Chris Crocker Punked-Out?

Hey bitches, we have a lot to cover!

celebuzz.com

Have any of you ever seen Glee? I've never seen it, nor do I care. I mean, who the hell wants to sing all day long, eww! I mean shit, I hate musicals! I can't even watch The Sound of Music!... and that's like, supposed to be all wholesome and whatever... I just can't go there. Anyways- that one guy, that plays someone in Glee, did this weird boy band thing. He said it was "The gayest thing I've ever done"... umm, where are the gay rights people on his ass? I mean, there are a lot of gay people on the show, and he says this? Where's PETA when you need them?

I just don't understand double standards, they confuse me! You don't have a right to double stand me, unless you take me out to dinner... even then you better be worth at least 5 million, 3 if you're hot. Speaking of money, my daddy has yet to say one word to me. I. Fucked. Up. Badly. Bitches. I don't know what the problem is... I mean, doesn't he like, live to pay for my shopping habits? That's his job, right? I don't understand... I should so call my mom and tell on him! I bet he'd get his knickers in a bunch if I called her... it's not my fault you let her go to France, everyone knows about long distance charges. Wait, she's in France? I can't call her... her voice would come out of my phone in French... OMG what do I do?

^^my picture, bitches!^^



Look who's back for a visit! It's Cowboy-RPattz! Apparently he's looking for a fight with the papparazzi. Get ready for a shoot-out, bitches! Celebuzz.com says he dreams for the day he can punch-out an obsessive papparazzo person... I get it, I want to bitch-slap a photographer too! Every time they take my picture, they always get a vag-pic. I mean, what, do you spy on me to know when I'm not wearing panties? Are you hiding in my closet? *gasp* OMG.... it's my brother! He's their informant... I should have known.

Do you remember Chris Crocker? That one gay guy that says funny shit, wears blonde wigs, and sings sometimes? Yeah, he's had a total make-over... he's kinda punk now. I guess it works for him, I'm just so used to the LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE Chris... it's going to take awhile before I can adjust. In this video he's talking about "hog bodies", being "ugly" and other shit. Can someone explain this to me? I'm lost...

I must depart from the interwebs and start waging war against my brother...

He is so dead!

Love,

Jackie ^_^

Miley Cyrus Blow Up Doll? lmao, right?

I used to watch Hannah Montana all the time.... more like Handjob Mongina!

kikster.com

According to Kikster, these beauties were selling for $25 dollars. Popeater.com said these were flying off the shelves! I guess there are a lot of pervs that prayed to the god of sex, for a chance to score with Miley. Just knowing that she recently turned 18, makes everyone who bought this a pedophile. My daddy would flip a bitch if there was a Jackie sex doll... but some of his corporate friends would be ecstatic. I mean, ugh, I've seen the way they look at me... eww, you're like 40!

I don't understand why old men stare at young girls. It makes me feel uncomfortable with myself. By that I mean, it almost makes me feel ashamed I have DD boobies. I feel ashamed for my beauty; they don't have the right to fuck with my self-esteem! I'm like, 19 going on 25, I have no interest in saggy grandpa balls! Hell to the No, bitches! Speaking of sagging skin, this is why you should never get tatted from head to toe! Pick places that won't sagg, like calves.

With that, I totally sympathize with Miley. I wonder what her dad thinks? I'm sure Miley's dead grandmother is flipping in her grave. Wait... does she have a dead grandmother? Let's say great grandmother, just in case.

Bye bitches!

Love,

Jackie ^_^

"Vampire Woman"? & Robert Pattinson likes Texas? umm, eww!

Hey bitches!

I was looking through the interwebs and I found this article about a "Vampire Woman". I know what you're going to say "that link is to Foux News!" ... yeah, but so what? All news sources are shit, I read all of them because I don't trust any of them. Besides, the media never covers the important stuff, like when Zac Effron is in town - what a sex muffin :) I would so convert to Catholicism for his sweet ass!

http://www.foxnews.com/health/2011/04/05/vampire-woman-takes-love-supernatural-new-level/?test=faces

Anyways, this "Vampire Woman" is a tattoo artist with four kids! If my mommy looked like that, I would shit my Ralph Lauren panties! She went on about abuse and other stuff that happened when she was a kid. I feel bad, really, but like, holy shit, right? It's her face I guess, and if she's happy then, yeah. It also said she was a trained lawyer and "studied at a religious school... got married in white at 17".

I kind of want to ask her "ARE YOU HAPPY, NOW?"

Oh yeah, I like, so totally bought a bottle of Paris Hilton's parfume. It's actually really nice! I know people make fun of her, but we all can be a bad bitch every once in a while, right? *gasp* O M G..... I almost forgot to tell you bitches something! Apparently, Robert Pattinson's favorite city in the U.S. is Houston, Texas! EWWWWWWWWWWW! Who the hell would want to live with cowboys, they smell! They talk all funny and chew tabbacco... and spit. I don't think I will ever be able to watch Twilight the same...

Robert is a cowboy now, and a beardo... eww! Look at that picture! I wonder if he'll die with five pounds of red meat in his ass like Duke Wayne.

Ok bitches, I must embark on serious retail therapy to get over the loss of Robert in my life. I just can't get over his obsession with Texas; it's almost sinful!

Love,
Jackie ^_^

Seems like some Charlie Sheen fans are #losing.

Hey guys and gals, boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen, whores and sluts...
need I say more?

Charlie Sheen just performed, or rather ranted in his first scheduled tour date in Detroit... or how my ghetto friend would say DEEETREEEET! Apparently, those who actually bought tickets weren't given enough of a preview on every news channel. Umm, hello? Didn't anyone see that one interview, with that one chick, who like, so totally dyes her hair bleach blonde every other day? Didn't you see her patronize him with stupid questions, and you didn't hear his #winning™ responses? Please to you, lame ass audience, who walked out and booed. You knew exactly what to expect; in fact, that's what you paid to see, right? As Mr. Abercrombie & Mr. Fitch as my witnesses, I stand by Charlie Sheen aka Carlos Estevez... eww, he's a beaner? He's pretty white for a beaner... I feel like tacos... eww eww, must not think of food! Fasting will bring a size 2 pair of jeans to my wardrobe! Anyways, Charlie is #winning™ in my book, bitches XD

Another day in the life of spending daddy's money... oh how I wish he didn't monitor his account like a hawk. I have to tell you bitches something... a secret... my dad found a charge on his account the other day, a substantial charge, yet didn't say a word. I'm so dead! He doesn't speak when he's furious! I was in my temple - Sac's Fifth Ave., and I like, couldn't help myself... there it was, the Golden Fleece of all strappy dresses! Yeah it was spendy, but it was like, on sale... for $5,000. You know, it was originally $7,000... my dad should thank me! I was being a good bitch and shopping wisely :)

I'm going to post a link to Charlie's youtube channel... this is for all you bitches that were expecting something different! If anyone has tickets to like, see him in one of the other cities on the tour, leave a comment :) Tell me what you want to hear, what you're expecting and if you feel like a warlock... I know I do, and dicks don't! By that, I mean actual dicks are not warlocks. You may twirl your wand until a sticky surprise appears, but BITCH you can't rock Tiger Blood™ in that vein!

YOUR DICK WOULD EXPLODE!

http://www.youtube.com/user/CharlieSheen

Ok bitches, I like, have to go spend more of daddy's money.

Love,
Jackie ^_^

P.S.

pray to D&G that I don't find the Holy Grail of tennis bracelets!

Remember that song "I like big butts"? Yeah, that really hapened...

O

M

G

I actually have a friend named Becky, and I actually saw some chick that looked like one of those rappers' girlfriends. Why this whore had to invade and disgrace my mall is beyond me; then again, I couldn't really say anything because she's black and you know how people are these days. Besides, they're so damned confrontational... political correctness has ruined my life! I decided I must cleanse myself with a new pair of FMP's (aka fuckmepumps) to get over her fat, slutty assssssssss. I wish I could dive into a pile of stilettos and emerge baptised in the gift of holy retail therapy. My dad prays to the money god; I however, seek solace within the blessed walls of Sac's Fifth Ave.

Ugh... there she is again. Stupid bubble-butt and her little gang of posers... YOU DON'T BELONG HERE! My dad just about owns this mall; why I must give the cashier my card is still a mystery. They all know me, and where I like, live. Can't you like, mail the bill to my dad? He's the one paying for this anyway!
what a bitch...

Eww, I smell... food. I have mastered the ancient art form of fasting; it's great, everyone should try it! That way, we can help save the environment and all of the cute, smelly, disgusting cows. Anyone who would drink milk (aka cow puss) is totally ludicris... or is it ludicrous? I get confused.... damned rappers make up new word spellings all the time. I'm not trying to point the finger at black people, but it's like, really hard. I swear I'm not racist, I have a friend who's Ethiopian. She's totally cute! Talk about being a val, she's like top five in our group. So yeah, don't even try to label me with that shit, dick!

Ok bitches, I like, have to go spend daddy's money.

Love,
Jackie ^_^

P.S.
I hope Matt texts me for that bootycall, I could use a good roggering XD